Where Oh Where Did The Husband Go?

Central American Art in the Man Cave


People have asked me if my husband's man cave, located in the basement of our home, has affected our relationship.

It has and it's for the better. Marriages need space and couples need separation. The man cave provides these. I know when my husband retreats to his man cave, my time is for me! I can work on my miniatures hobby, write, watch tv in the living room and choose any station I want, because he's watching his own program on his flatscreen tv in the man cave! Ha! What a deal.

Do I begrudge him his time in the man cave? No way. Giving him time down there gives me time upstairs.

Sometimes, when I'm really mad at him, I even might say, "Go down to your man cave. Now." And he does! It gives us a needed time out!

His man cave is sacred space. I try very hard not to disturb him when he's down there and I would never touch anything in his space. That's his terrain. Remember, he gave me the rest of the house!

Since I started blogging, however, I've been using his computer because it's much better than mine. And where is it located? In the man cave! If he is on the computer when I go down to the man cave, I just make a b-line back upstairs until he's done. He gets first dibs and rightfully so.

I don't think my husband minds too much my using his computer, though, because he knows how happy writing my blog makes me. He still does his thing while I do mine and when I'm finished with the computer, I retreat quietly upstairs, leaving my contented husband to savor his quiet time in the man cave!

Evolution of the Man Cave

When two people fall madly, passionately in love, they want to spend every waking second of each day together. They cannot get enough of gazing into each other's eyes and just being close to one another.

Fast forward after the marriage and several months of reality. The raging passion has simmered down a bit, love deepens, and the couple settles comfortably into a loving routine.

A few decades fly by, with the addition of a couple of kids. Love has continued to grow, deepen, and mature. Do the two people want to spend every waking second of the day with each other? Answer: NOT ON YOUR LIFE. By this stage of the game, the man and the woman both want, yearn for, and would kill for a little bit, (just a little bit), of space from each other. This is a normal, healthy desire. Space is good. Space is therapeutic. Space is a freaking necessity!

Five years ago, when we bought this house, my husband announced I could decorate every single room in whatever way my heart desired. That meant kitchen, dining room, living room, office, three bedrooms, and one and a half bathrooms! The one stipulation was that the basement was his territory. I'd get the whole house and he'd get the basement! Sounded fair to me.

The basement, therefore, became the "man cave." It was off limits to my decorating touch. It was a place my husband could get some alone time from all the family and noise. When the grown-up "kids" bought him a flatscreen tv, down to the man cave it went, as did his computer. He set up his own library, apart from the house library, and arranged his desk and all his office supplies. He bought a huge soft-covered lounging chair that flicks back to an almost laying-down position. The man cave became his haven, his territory, his hideaway.
Oriental Rug in the Man Cave


So how does a man cave affect a relationship? Does it drive a wedge or does the space it provides between a couple make them closer? The answers will be shared in tomorrow's blog!